Deep Down

I've lived in Utah all my life. I'm used to the close-minded, judgmental personality of the vast majority of the residents here. That doesn't mean that I've accepted it. Everyday I hear a racial comment or a religious judgment. And each one cuts me just a little deeper.

I was raised to accept everyone for who they are. Not for the color of their skin, the faith they choose to believe in, their sexual preference, or the way they choose to live their life. Being raised this way has given me the opportunity to see the beauty in every person. I'm able to see and learn from people's experience and knowledge.

Unfortunately, most of the people in my life were not raised this way. They may tell you they accept everyone, but really they just accept the people who their 'leader' tells them they are allowed to accept. How do you get to know anyone and learn about them if you quickly jump to stereotypes and judge them that much faster? How do you ever get to experience any thing different than what has already happened in your life?

Growing up I was friends with all mormons. This, in turn, made everyone else think I was mormon also. I am not mormon. So when people found that out, I was then perceived as the wild girl. I didn't drink. I didn't do drugs. I didn't have sex. But I didn't go to church. Or at least the 'right' church in their eyes. So that made me the rebel.

It always bugged me that they thought of me that way. But looking back on it now, I realize it was their job to judge me. I was judged for not going to church. I was judged for wearing short shorts, tank tops and bikinis. I was judged because my favorite word was fuck. But now, I don't care if people judge me (which I know happens daily). I don't care if people think I'm living my life the wrong way. I'm living my life the way that is best for me. And the way I think is best for the people around me. I accept people. And in return, those people accept me. Or at least most of them do. No one is perfect in this world. We all have flaws. We all have different beliefs and values. We all have issues and baggage. The only problem is that some people can't look beyond those flaw and beliefs and baggage to who we are inside.

I'm funny. I'm also controlling and pretty sensitive. I have a pathetic need to make people happy. That's who I am, or at least part of who I am. It makes me sad to think that people refuse to look beyond my religious beliefs, my low cut shirt, and my trucker mouth to see who I really am.

I like to think it's their loss.